Sports

Former Chicago Bulls star Dennis Rodman (53) says he will marry North Korean Leader Kim Jong-Un's older sister, Chins Un (61).

In exchange for wedding the spinster, Rodman says he has landed the IHOP franchise rights in the capital Pyongyang.

Rodman made the announcement from Damascus, Syria, where he was hosting a basketball demonstration for his newest friend, President...

Texas-born Billy W. Perry says he suspected that basketball player Jason Collins was into "gayism" when he roomed with him at Stanford University in 2000 from little hints such as Collins buying matching dish towels for the shared apartment.

"He didn't wave his wankie around or anything but there were gobs of clues. Like...he used hair conditioner," said Perry, then a lineman for the...

Declaring that Americans will stand up to any "swarthies" who threaten their freedom, Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig announced that every inning of every game will now begin with the singing of the national anthem.

Selig made the announcement flanked by the National Guard and 200 Little League Baseball players and their puppies at the base of the Statue of Liberty.

Following a weigh-in that saw neither fighter willing to turn the other cheek, UFC champion Georges St. Pierre is employing a secret weapon to turn up the heat on challenger Nick Diaz at UFC 158:

His well-sculpted, glistening buttocks.

In place of his traditional entrance theme of “Represailles” by Parisian rapper Fababy, tonight St. Pierre will enter the octagon to “I’m An MMA...

After a sustained employee lockout what’s an embattled professional sports commissioner to do? Perhaps turn to one of contemporary society’s greatest spin men? Indeed, that is exactly what NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman has done in a surprising move to reinvigorate the NHL, by hiring Scientology uber-leader David Miscavige as his Co-Commissioner. Miscavige, a wee little fellow, much like...

VANCOUVER – After what Canucks fans are calling a “Luongo-like” first game for new starter Cory Schneider, the fans immediately begin questioning their new goalie and his ability to win. With Luongo unable to beat an Edmonton team composed mainly of AHL players, it seemed that what was once regarded as the best goaltending duo in the league could now be the worst. Canucks fans needn't worry...

TORONTO – In an unfortunate announcement Friday afternoon, many Canadian hockey fans learned that the Toronto Maple Leafs had been slated to play in the NHL’s annual Winter Classic outdoor game. But thanks to the ongoing NHL labour dispute, that tragedy was averted when the league cancelled the event.

“We know that many fans were concerned that the lockout would end too quickly, so that...

VANCOUVER -For weeks we have been lead to believe that the current dispute over the NHL's Collective Bargaining Agreement was focused on league revenue, and how the owners and players plan to divide the money. However recent reports suggest that this has all been a cover for a much different dispute, one that is dividing the players and pitting them against each other.

Banned seven-time Tour de France winner and renowned cancer fighter Lance Armstrong spoke from his new home city of Penticton, British Columbia, Canada, today to announce a 3,300 kilometre cycling race that will have no drug screening at all.
 
"The riders are juiced anyways and the Tour de Rockies will really just let 'em up the dosage," said Armstrong in the blazing sun outside...

Police were called in to separate NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman and NHL Players' Association Executive Director Donald Fehr after the two engaged in what witnesses are calling a "junior-high sissy fight" at contract negotiations in New York today.
 
"They were yelling at each other about who gets to keep the Air Miles and suddenly Bettman seemed to just lose his cool," said Boston...